Goat Simulator 3 Review (Xbox Series X/S, PS5 & PC)

Goat Simulator is the perfect example of a game done so badly that it came out cleverly good. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially when every in-your-face bug usually causes a stir lest it’s ironed out stat. But Goat Simulator was set in its ways –to defy all odds and seemingly mash up all the annoyance that would typically give people headaches, transforming them into such a spectacularly enjoyable game. It’s hard to imagine that developer Coffee Stain Studios, or any other developer, can top that. Perhaps they’d develop an even worse, sillier game packed with more bugs? 

Well, if you’re as curious as I am, Goat Simulator 3 is out now for us to break apart bit by bit. Like the name “coffee stain,” moving from Goat Simulator directly to Goat Simulator 3 is one of the many jokes the studio throws at you, readying you up for the sequel that brings 2014’s rebellious mess of a game back to your doorstep to devour.  So, are you ready for a deep-dive Goat Simulator 3 review of everything to love, like, and hate about it? 

A World Without Rules

We all know the recipe for quality games by now. It usually comes in three: an engaging story, compelling graphics, and immersive combat. To no surprise, Goat Simulator 3 defies the rules, forging its own path. Even the name doesn’t comply, skipping the release of Goat Simulator 2 for no reason. The sequel to Goat Simulator, Goat Simulator 3, is pretty similar to its predecessor. Games still have you playing as a goat, doing normal goat stuff. You know, butt-kicking this, licking that, and scaring the crap out of everyday townies. Some things are different, though.

Like in the old one, people would see all of the stupid things the goats were up to and behave like this was all normal. In the sequel, though, they’ve at least got expressions of happiness, anger, freaking the crap out, and running for their lives. They’ll interact with one another, take selfies, and try to pet you. The police will haul you off to prison if need be. 

Unlike its predecessor, which had no sense of direction, Goat Simulator 3 tries to follow a crazy plot, if you can call it that. You’ll have objectives to complete and a quest log to guide you toward leveling up. But it doesn’t take you away from the main mission; utter madness, because the quests are just as much gobsmacked as the game itself. At one point, you’re running for presidency by literally dragging citizens out to a voting booth to vote for you, or you’re unlocking asteroids to hop around in, or are given wings to fly. 

For some odd reason I can’t quite get past, Goat Simulator 3 is always throwing something unexpected at you, while seemingly having everything under control, even when it seems the world is so close to falling apart. It’s a really great thing to have because you always run into these random easter eggs and experience little eureka moments or genuine laughs here and there.

Where Goats Reign Supreme

There’s a pretty cool GTA aspect where you can hijack cars and drive them into buildings. You can also catapult people, and anything really into the sky. Or, you could go the nuclear bomb route and blow stuff up. That’s much faster.  Or, get told to save some guy drowning before they turn into a fish or some ballerinas before they turn into a giant tornado. You can also, inflate someone’s head with some machine. Or more crazy stuff you wouldn’t believe until you’re an unstoppable goat unleashing hell on mankind.

Far from common misbelief, playing as a goat actually has its many advantages. You’ve got no health bar, so you won’t actually die from anything or face consequences for reckless behavior, which is pretty great because something like driving cars into buildings would blow them up with you in them. You can also shapeshift into whatever you want, probably when disguising yourself during a mission. Or fly into the sky with the help of butterfly wings or a rocket launcher. Or float in the sea using a Tony Shark skin. 

There are plenty of overpowered devices at your disposal to help you complete challenges. You only need to unlock them by completing challenges or earning currency to buy them as cosmetics. Speaking of cosmetics, you can also play dress up, customizing your wardrobe with every sort of item to fit your goat’s head, horns, back, or feet. And as is probably pretty evident at this point, there are no limits to the ridiculousness of the items you could find.

Bigger, Sillier, and Better

While roaming through San Angora Island, exploration is a must-do. It feels like a GTA San Andreas city packed with plenty of secrets, events to unlock, and chances to take. And whatever you think couldn’t have made it to San Angora, you might want to think again, whether it’s a spooky cemetery, skyscrapers towering over the city, the woods, the farmland, or more. Each area has its own vibe and is especially detailed to impress. And if the open world seems too much in any way, it’s not, because you do use almost all of its areas in some way. 

The island has everything going on. A wedding reception here, a vegetable competition there, a barn dance, a fashion show, everything. In other words, this is a world bigger, sillier, and better. So if you want to go all out, you can. And if you get bored rampaging through one area, you can rest assured the next will prove much more interesting than the last.

Pausing to Pay Homage

It’s easy to write off Goat Simulator 3 as just another kitchen-sink approach. But there are quite clever pop culture references and parodies based on more popular games that I absolutely love. Take, for instance, the premise that so cleverly referenced the historically iconic and excruciatingly long opening from Skyrim. I mean, at some point during the conversation between the farmer and the goat on the cart ride, the farmer admits how long an introduction this was. 

And then there’s when you open a portal that perfectly follows Counter-Strike’s Dust 2 map. Or, the P.T. demo parody from Quiet Hill when roaming about the horror corridor. Or the ‘90s graphics basement, similar to a brief part of a Doom level, and Headsplat, which is Splatoon’s parody to see who paints more objects using a paintbrush glued to your head. 

The developers don’t just reference bigger games. They also integrated quite a number of Easter eggs, which I challenge you to find and share, and pop culture references like celebrity names, which I doubt anyone will miss out on. These attempts show the developers didn’t just throw stuff on the wall to see what sticks. Rather, they made the game with love and care, referencing quite memorable moments throughout gaming’s history and beyond.

Verdict

What’s not to like about Goat Simulator 3? A lot! The game doesn’t comply with the rules. It rebels against most of the successful open-world games, carving its own path and destiny. And when you’re brave enough to defy all odds, there will almost always be things the status quo won’t approve of. Like the little glitches here and there and the overall poor performance. Or the lack of challenge. If there are no consequences for reckless behavior, then there’s no motivation to level up. Then there’s the chaotic aspect of it that not everyone may find enticing. While others may love it during the first few hours and then lose touch toward the end.

But for the most part, none of these issues completely ruined the overall experience. Each quest and mini-game is different from the last. The game barely has a tutorial, and the quest log isn’t as straightforward, so you’re always discovering hidden secrets and facing unexpected events. You could also amplify the experience by bringing your friends along for a four-player co-op online or local split-screen. Either way, unleashing mayhem for no good reason does turn out to be just as dynamic and fun as playing a structured Rockstar open-world game –adding as a plus a larger map, a ton of silliness, and cranked-up mayhem from its predecessor. 

So, you should probably try not to rule it out unless you try it for yourself. Sure, the ridiculousness might wear thin, but Goat Simulator 3 has variety and creativity unlike any other, offering to take you on a wild experience far from the usual.

Goat Simulator 3 Review (Xbox Series X|S, PS5, Switch & PC). For more updates on the game, be sure to follow the official social handle here.