The Unholy Priest Review (PC)

I didn’t want to believe it at first, but it’s true — there truly is no rest for the wicked. Matter of fact, between digging copious amounts of graves and satisfying that alluring morbid desire to exorcise the demons, I have little time for anything that isn’t disturbingly somber. It’s almost as if I’m lost in purgatory—a middle line between barely existing and a fate that’s far worse than death. And if I’m not churning dirt like curdled milk or performing ritualistic tasks to appease the spirits, then I’m doing something else that’s as equally grotesque, like cremating the bodies of the dead, or arranging the funeral for an ill-fated forester who’s at the end of their tether. Whatever the case, there is still something that pulls me back, for when someone calls for The Unholy Priest, I can’t help but answer.

Time — I don’t have it; it’s a mirage—a pipe dream that I wish I could manifest. Pains — I have more than I’d like to admit. Faith — it’s a pointless pursuit—a meaningless voyage that brings no proper justification to the questionable actions that I take on a daily basis. Yet, even with all of these doubts and cards stacked against me, I still choose to make the descent each morning. It’s not as if I want to do it, but like all jobs that require you to get your hands dirty — someone has to do it. It just so happens that I, of all citizens of the forest glade, have the weight of two worlds on my shoulders. And the worst part is, the paycheck is appallingly low. Go figure.

No Rest For The Wicked

The Unholy Priest slumps you into the shoes of a local priest—a character whose loyalties idle between formally preparing funerals as a kindred spirit, and exorcizing the entities that plague the hollow grounds of a forest mortuary. As said priest, your role in this world is to balance two halves of a career—a job that requires you to carry out graveyard duties during the day, and slightly more disturbing tasks during the dead of night. For instance, in the morning, you have the opportunity to converse with locals, make funeral preparations, and dig grave plots, whereas at night, you have the monumental task of keeping the spirits at bay whilst they aim to thwart your progress. Think of it as a two-for-one ordeal; it’s as much of a horror as it is a full-fledged graveyard simulation game. But more on that later.

When it comes to gameplay, The Unholy Priest bears the brunt of a double-edged sword. I say that, mainly because it has a lot of things for you to do, but at the same time, not enough in-game hours for you to do everything. Here, the shifts revolve around a day-and-night system, with the initial half boasting jobs that range from digging graves to making funeral plans, crafting caskets to cremating the deceased, and the latter half consisting of slightly more upbeat tasks, like performing rituals and maintaining order to keep entities from thwarting your work. And I’ll be honest, there is a lot to juggle. Is that a good thing? In ways, yes. But it’s also an incredibly stressful process, more so as you progress through the campaign and unlock more opportunities to expand your operations.

It’s Your Funeral

The Unholy Priest isn’t a naturally scary game, but it does tout an unsettling atmosphere and a great sense of morbid anticipation. The days, eh — they’re oddly welcoming and, dare I say, disturbingly therapeutic. Chopping wood and crafting caskets, for example, is incredibly rewarding and satisfying, as are most of the jobs that you onboard ahead of the twilight shifts. But the evenings, on the other hand, are of another nature—a more intimate, less soothing experience that requires more of a hands-on approach to complete. There are ghoulish foes to exhume, weirdly comical and mechanically simplistic rituals to participate in, and an entire woodland parlor to upkeep and protect. Again, a lot to do here. But I suppose that’s a good thing; it gives you enough bang for your buck, all things considered.

The world itself isn’t enormous, though it does offer enough points of interest and areas for you to build and maintain over the course of your career. Although constituted in a woodland area with only a handful of NPCs and restless spirits, The Unholy Priest does, with all due high praise, invoke a strong sense of community in its compact form.

All in all, the actual process of tending to the crypt is a lot of fun. And while the game’s jump scares and general lack of a pulse in its late-game duties sully an otherwise consistently intense journey, the initial snowball phase is surprisingly good. Is it scary? Not really, no. That said, it is immersive and hearty, if you’ll pardon the pun. If only it had a co-op mode and a few additional exorcism options. Those, frankly, would be a real treat for fledgling funeral directors and paranormal pacifiers.

Verdict

The Unholy Priest isn’t the bone-chilling morbid tale that you might be hoping to jab your stake into, but it is one that, like an iron casket with too much dead weight to launder, finds firm ground deep within a bottomless grave of grotesque jobs and nail-biting paranormal activities. With all of that in tow, and with an extra foot in the grave, you won’t struggle to get your kicks in this short but disturbingly jam-packed funeral-exorcist hybrid of a horror simulator.

With all of the above said, The Unholy Priest is still stitched into reckless abandon, with its chaotic design and zigzag progression contributing to an oddly messy and sometimes difficult journey. It’s fun, true. But as with most time-based games, once the extra mileage has been burned off, that sense of joy and excitement can quickly disintegrate into frustration and anger. There’s a small case of that here, though nothing that’s particularly daunting enough to sully the mood or stain an otherwise enjoyable graveyard horror. That’s a victory, albeit a small one.