Super Battle Golf Review (PC)

I never expected Super Battle Golf to be a picnic, but I also never thought that it would eventually culminate with all-out warfare on the open green, either. I knew that there would be trouble, and I knew that there would be a few heated debates over who would take the next shot and who would drive the golf cart. But, I couldn’t for the life of me predict that it would end up as a battlefield of broken hearts and bloody palms. I figured it would be fun—a quick nine-hole round of golf with a few friends, sort of fun. But it wasn’t. It was, weirdly, more of a bloodbath with a couple of greasy nine irons and atmosphere that felt like a kindergarteners field trip. And, you know what? I loved every second of it. Call it Stockholm syndrome, I guess.

For all the while I was mindlessly slapping balls at makeshift objects and elusive holes, I had it rooted deep inside my head that Super Battle Golf was, at the very least, a souped-up version of Golf With Your Friends. The DNA was alive and kicking—the brutal and ofttimes chaotic gameplay; the simultaneous action that never seemed to come to an abrupt end; the sweaty shots and the seemingly impossible task of needing to quell an insurmountable course. It had all of that. But then, just when I thought I could brush it off as “just another clone of a slightly more complex golfing game,” I began to unearth its true colors. It wasn’t Golf With Your Friends; it was Super Smash Strikers with golf clubs and bunny ears.

To refer to Super Battle Golf as a classic golf game just wouldn’t be right. Naturally, the holes exist, as do the courses and the general rules of the green. Well, sort of. See, while the objective remains the same, the actual process of sinking a hole is a little, shall we say, unorthodox. Think of it as a mini golf course for the average rage fanatic; it houses the same elements, but it also grants you the flexibility to sink the put in any manner you deem appropriate. You can play it the old-fashioned way — but that’s besides the point, and honestly, not how the game was intended. In this world, the wackier you are, the better your odds are of actually, you know, claiming a victory. And yes, you can weaponize the green to help bend the odds in your favor. But, more on that later.

Super Battle Golf is just as much of a PvP brawler as it is a party game. It’s a brawling game, not because it allows you the freedom to manipulate the course and sabotage your opponents, but because it actively encourages foul play and questionable tactics. In other words, it frowns upon camaraderie and sportsmanship, and it rewards bad habits and poor behavior. Take the gameplay, for example. In any other sport you would, and understandably so, receive a penalty for inciting violence or fabricating the rules, whereas in Super Battle Golf, preventing an opponent from making a shot is morally acceptable. And that’s all you’re doing here: rocking the apple (or golf) cart to make everyone on the course either green with envy or crimson red with anger. Sinking a put is a bonus, but it isn’t the point of the experience, so to speak.

The idea is, to some degree, simple. As a fledgling golfer, you have the monumental task of scoring points on the green—an act that involves sabotaging your opponents and preventing them from reaching the hole. With minefields to navigate, weapons to use, and even golf carts to drive, you each have the task of making an otherwise familiar bonding exercise an absolute nightmare. It isn’t graceful, and it certainly isn’t professional. But then, that’s sort of why it’s so darn fun. It’s a little gimmicky and silly, but I think that’s sort of what it strives to be. It isn’t PGA Tour, we’ll just leave it at that.

For a game that isn’t so much about golfing as it is about teeing off from the scalp of your worst enemy and wreaking total havoc, Super Battle Golf delivers a quality collection of unique courses and sandboxes. With 27 holes to scoot around in and a treasure trove of set pieces, objects, and weapons to utilize on the green, as well as a fully-fledged customization suite that allows players to create and develop their own avatars, Super Battle Golf packs a lot into its world. The only thing missing is the option to don a chicken leg. Oh wait, there is. Go figure.

If you can remove yourself from the situation and accept the fact that Super Battle Golf isn’t your usual Sunday afternoon golfing experience, then you might just be able to enjoy the world for what it truly is: a passive-aggressive Battle Royale with a few golf balls and projectiles. To call it anything else just wouldn’t work, as it is, in spite of all its best efforts to disguise itself as an ode to a beloved pastime, a pantomime with vague undertones that wax basic golfing facets. That’s all it is, and at no point does it pretend to be anything more. It’s ridiculous, but in the best possible sense of the word, truly.

Verdict

Super Battle Golf is as ridiculously entertaining as it is ruthlessly challenging, which all in all makes it a joy to watch unfold either from the sidelines or out on the green — even if it means having to sit on a land mine and receive a ball to the chin every once in a blue moon. It isn’t technical, and it definitely isn’t a game that takes fair play into consideration. But that’s sort of the point, as it does all in its power to make your typical Sunday afternoon pastime as chaotic and as non-conventional as possible. It’ll drive you nuts, for sure, but you might just find yourself enjoying it for what it is: a kooky PvP experience with golf clubs. If you’re looking for something a little more classy, then you might want to take your golf cart and caddie to another green.