PORTERS Review (PC)

If history has taught me anything, it’s that there’s no shame in repeating the same mistakes over and over again so long as you’re having fun. In the eyes of a docile team, there’s no reason for you to collectively believe that anything is possible with the right amount of collateral. When it comes to PORTERS, specifically, I know all too well that there’s nothing for me to prove. We’ve shot ourselves in the foot at the first hurdle, and we know for a fact that the only thing that awaits us is a miserable streak of epic failures and an eventual disbanding. It’s far better to accept it now than simply wait until someone has to learn it the hard way. Or at least, that’s the mantra that makes the most sense when it comes to tackling most, of not all rage games.

PORTERS is everything that I didn’t want it to be, and that’s actually a good thing, believe it or not. Heck, I wanted it to be a walk in the park, but that would’ve also meant that I’d eventually miss out on some cheap laughs among friends. Also, I wanted it to be unlike the other rage games, with more of a hand-holding experience that would make me feel superior and somewhat intellectual. But, again, that would have removed a lot of the heart and soul from the journey. If, say, I had breezed through it with little to no issues or bullet-sweltering curveballs, then I would have hit a plateau of disappointment. Thankfully, though, I didn’t breeze through it; I cried, and I laughed, all whilst waiting to find something to salvage from the pain and torment that it brought me. And you know what? I actually think that I preferred it that way.

Pivoting For Laughs

If you’re looking for an introductory lesson on porting—the act of carrying and handling luggage, for the most part—then consider PORTER as the training video that you shouldn’t put your faith into. Why? Well because, rather annoyingly, it doesn’t capture the highs of the job—the immense amount of gratitude that you receive from prestigious clients—but the back-breaking lows and the desperate feats one would typically struggle to overcome against the inevitable consequences. And yes, it is a co-op game, which also means that it finds numerous ways to make you hate teamwork, too. Frankly, it does a pretty splendid job of highlighting that. No offense, porter crew.

There’s a pinch of Rubber Bandits meets Moving Out here, by which I mean, the penultimate point of the game is to skulk around as a well-oiled team, and use your portly limbs to transport stupidly large objects from one location to the next without causing too much damage. To some extent, it is exactly that: a co-op game about moving items from point A to point B, and so on and so forth. The catch, however, is that you don’t have a level playing field to work with; you have a series of uneven grounds, as well as all of the quirky Total Wipeout obstacles to go with it. With that, you get the idea. Simply put, a team takes the brunt of the weight, and together, battle it out to transport it to an entirely different location. It sounds easy, but it isn’t. Go figure.

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Like most physics-based co-op games of its kind, PORTERS puts you in a situation where nothing works in your favor. The mechanics aren’t the issue; in fact, it’s more or less the case of pivoting and, on occasion, relying on others to carry you through to the next checkpoint and into the “great beyond.” No, the issue is that each stage has an awful habit of putting obstacles in front of you to clamber over—swinging batons, clobbering platforms, and anything else that might throw you off balance, for example. Think Fall Guys, but with oversized refrigerators and plants, and you’ll have a vague idea of what we’re talking about here. It’s chaotic, messy, and highly unorthodox; it’s a job for a cowboy porter, really.

Despite being something of an eager advocate for pandemonium, PORTERS does actually manage to make the tedious act of shifting furniture and other breakable objects to random locations a lot of fun. Okay, so it’s sloppy, and it hardly appears graceful or coordinated — but that’s a small part of its charm. Could it do with a little extra polish, or perhaps a few additional levels to bulk out its core elements? Sure. Yet, lest we forget that, being an indie game with a low asking price, it does bring some great value for money with its small carousel of courses. It isn’t perfect, but then, the fact that it at least plays well (to the best of its ability, anyway) says a lot about its creator’s commitment to the notion that even messy games can often look good. It’s still a hot mess, but a charming one that also happens to bring about a good sense of comedic balance, nonetheless.

Verdict

PORTERS highlights the highs and lows of teamwork with its relentlessly painful rage-baiting obstacles and physics-based challenges, mindfully tipping its hat to several of the world’s most ridiculous co-op games with a tribute that feels as equally familiar as it does rewarding on the rarest of occasions. It’s still a huge pain in the backside that leaves you feeling irritated and sore — but I think that’s sort of what it aims to achieve, weirdly. And if that is the goal, then I can only shrug and give it the ol’ nod of approval.

Although you do have to be in the right “mood” to pick up and play a rage game, PORTERS does find a good balance between being your worst enemy and your best friend, believe it or not. With its frequent comical moments and multiplayer-based shenanigans, it does manage to keep the weight off of your shoulders and provide you with frequent spouts of joy. Sure, it is a rather simple perk, but at least it offers some form of respite to keep you from losing your temper every two to three seconds. That’s a huge plus in my books, anyway.