Cold VR Review (Meta Quest & PSVR)

The temperature in the room might be colder than the Arctic Circle on a crisp Tuesday morning, but I’ll tell you one thing: my blood is boiling hot, and I am not about to let something as inferior as time stop me from keeping that darn body clock pulsating. To quote the late Freddy Mercury, “I’m two-hundred degrees, that’s why they call me Mr Fahrenheit — I’m traveling at the speed of light.” And I am. I am traveling at the speed of light, because if I don’t, then the foes around me will become quicker themselves, which will in turn make the bullets more likely to impale me than graze the bristles of my eyelashes. In Cold VR, it doesn’t matter if I’m the strongest gunslinger in the room; it matters that I have the mental capacity to keep moving, even if it means breaking a sweat.

If you’ve ever seen CRANK, then you’ll probably be familiar with how Cold VR shapes its narrative. And, if you haven’t seen the Jason Statham action flick, then just know this: It’s about a die-hard man’s conquest of an adrenaline-fueled heart. The movie, much like Cold VR, is all about making do with the time you have left. In this particular scenario, however, you don’t have to fret about your heart rate dropping to morbid levels; on the contrary, you have to worry about the speed of your actions, as the slower you go, the faster the enemy will respond to your attacks. Think of it as a VR love letter to The Tortoise & The Hare, only, in this case, the tortoise is the more likely to die for barely breaking a sweat. Here’s a tip before we begin the race: don’t be the tortoise.

Be the Hare

From the outside looking in, Cold VR doesn’t look all that tough to figure out. In a nutshell, the game is, to some degree, a love letter to Superhot—yet another bullet-driven art piece that focuses on vigorous play and tactical sharpshooting. However, where Superhot pulls its punches and allows users to carefully analyze the battlefield before jumping into the fray, Cold VR instead relies on the player’s ability to control the narrative without batting an eyelid. For example, if you slow your pace, then the world and its inhabitants around you will have the opportunity to speed up their own movements and, with a little bit of effort, pierce the veil between your self-inflated bubble and the bone marrow in your body.

As with any game that rolls out the red carpet for an environment that’s continuously evolving and sourcing new foes for you to tackle, Cold VR more or less asks that you take full advantage of your time to ensure the best possible outcome. It’s because of this fast-paced approach that you’re forced to take that, while there are numerous perks for doing so, you don’t always know what it is that you’re doing — or even what you’re shooting at, for that matter. But that’s besides the point, apparently, because if you’re running and gunning, regardless of the destination or the target you’re aiming for, then you’re doing something right. Fair enough. I appreciate the no-nonsense introduction and the fact that it doesn’t spend too much time holding your hand.

The Name’s Bond

Cold VR envisions you as a souped-up James Bond with all of the necessary skills and experience to tackle the weight of the world — to an extent. Suffice it to say though that, this isn’t your everyday spy mission; it doesn’t feature any martini bars or a wise old man’s pretentious monologue. No, what this is, is a jacked-up adrenaline fest that generates environmental hazards, rooms crammed to the brim with shooting laser beams, and an ever-flowing crowd of enemies who’d soon rather inflict pain on you than give you just enough time to outwit their tactical abilities. On that basis, it isn’t the walk in the park that you’d find in an alternate universe. This is, for lack of a better description, a “nut up or shut up” ordeal — and its sole purpose is to make you sweat bullets and wreak havoc on the dance floor.

The world that Cold VR presents on its cyberpunk slider is slick, stylish, and teeming with colorful gadgetry and other elemental designs for you to poke a stick at. Granted, it’s a lot to take in (doubly so when you’re tackling endless wisps of bullets and a projection of a seemingly infinite number of soldiers) — but that’s a small issue that is often overshadowed by a ludicrously engaging combat experience. To say that it’s akin to a cozy farming simulation RPG would be an absurd claim. Oh no, Cold VR isn’t the sort of VR game you’d naturally put your feet up to and chat about over a warm hot chocolate by the fire. And yes, I am taking every opportunity to hammer this fact into your brain.

Hot & Cold

The combat, which obviously served as the primary centerpiece for the entire game, flows nicely, and isn’t as shoddy as I initially thought it might be. I’ll admit, with so many events taking place simultaneously, it is often difficult to decide whether or not some things are intentionally hectic, or if the game is struggling to keep up with your fast-paced schedule. Again, I can’t complain all that much, as the game does compensate for its fluctuating pace with a solid collection of levels (there are 40 in total, by the way), ranged weapons, and a backrooms segment that allows players to enter daring labyrinthine areas and test their mettle against other opponents. Combined, there’s a good variety of options to choose from here, which is great, given that most VR entries often come with a shorter shelf life than those of a console origin.

There is another thing that I like about Cold VR — and that’s the fact that you can pursue various choices during the course of the journey. Admittedly, I never felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders, but the fact that I could return to the root to explore a different play style in each section was enough of an incentive for me to squeeze that udder for all it was worth. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely, though, perhaps once I’ve caught my breath and attended a few cardiovascular classes down at the local gym.

Verdict

Cold VR generates a heart-pounding network of fast-paced, bullet-driven scenarios that, while evidently hectic and a bit overwhelming to the naked eye, have the capacity to keep you sweating bullets and tears for hours on end. It’s like the spiritual successor to Superhot that we never had—a VR gem that was once hallmarked as the most sought-after bullet hell of its time. But, with its own brand of identity and a refreshing combat experience that’s both immersive and inviting, it’s also a lot more than your bog-standard love letter to a former friend. And for that reason alone, I’m willing to give it as many upvotes as it so rightfully deserves.

To cut a long story short, if you’d soon rather ditch the next gym session and embark on a cardio-centric journey from the comfort of your own home, then you might be better off joining the fray in this icy realm of bullets and haze. It’s lukewarm in several areas, for sure, but not to the degree that you would want to substitute it with something else of a similar flavor. So, if you happen to find yourself itching for a cold one, then I suggest grabbing Cold VR while it’s still on ice. And yes, I do hate myself for that god-awful pun.