Blackbeard’s Treasure Review (Switch & PC)

I have a few fond memories of the Grand Pier at Weston-super-Mare—a spot that, geographically, isn’t all that far from Bristol, which is of course the famous departure point that the infamous Edward Teach (Blackbeard, for the uncultured privateers) first ascended the anchor to conquer the high tides of the West Indies during the golden age of piracy. But I don’t remember the pirates of Weston; I remember the slot machines and the candy floss vendors. Scratch that, I remember the coin pushing machines more than anything else—the mandatory tack of the traditional arcade, and not to mention the stubborn centerpieces that you would often find stapled to the worn deck of any British seaside resort. Now, if I had to label Blackbeard’s Treasure as anything, it would be something of a similar description: stubborn tack with an overbearing pirate theme.

If you, like me, have relatively wholesome memories of a damp arcade on a pier in the middle of April, then you might feel at home with Blackbeard’s Treasure. It has pirate things in it, true, but this isn’t your Black Flag clone; it’s an arcade coin pushing simulator, and one that, true to the spirit of the mindless tack of a British seaside town, consists entirely of throwing gold at a slider and wishing for the best possible prize to sprout out of its plastic tray. Is there more to it than that? A little, maybe, but I’d be lying if I said that it’s flush with an extraordinary amount of nautical goodness, too. Still, perhaps I’m jumping the flintlock on this one, so allow me to dial it back a bit.

A Man-o-War of Gold

Blackbeard’s Treasure is a simple game. It’s simple, mainly due to the fact that it doesn’t bring any new cards to an existing deck, nor does it dare to push the boat out by testing uncharted waters, so to speak. No, what you have here, if anything, is a short coin battler—a bit of tack that you could quite easily sweep under the oceanic rug in a couple of hours, give or take. It doesn’t involve a great deal of effort; in fact, it more or less relishes in the simplicity of its design — which is, first and foremost, a vivid representation of the arcade blueprint. As such, the game doesn’t require a lot of forward planning; it’s more the case of “tactfully” hurling coins at the battlefield and slowly but surely reducing the health bar of an on-screen enemy — like the Kraken, for example.

The idea is simple: dash coins at one of several stacks on the backboard and witness it cascade into a series of treasure-filled pockets. Simply put, the more loot you manage to obtain from the gutter, the greater the chance you have of being able to whittle down the HP of an overseas oppressor. And that’s really what this journey entails: a series of mini boss battles and nautical expeditions that revolve around the simple act of throwing coins and securing handfuls of gold. Is it Blackbeard’s treasure? Who knows — but it doesn’t matter, as it doesn’t make a single difference to the plot. Cancel that, it doesn’t make a difference to, well, anything. It’s all well and good being able to accrue treasure, but when all’s said and done, does it really matter? Not really, no.

Around the Seven Seas

Blackbeard’s Treasure is made up of several levels, with each one passing off as a tongue-in-cheek jab at a pirate’s usual kryptonite, i.e, great white sharks, giant octopi, and vigilante privateers, for instance. In each of said levels, the goal is to “masterfully” protect your ship from damage by tossing coins (they’re basically cannonballs, let’s be honest) at the sea level with your trusty JoyCons and using a combination of well-timed domino effects and dumb luck to eliminate a substantial chunk of health from the opponent’s meter. In exchange for beating these stages, you essentially unlock additional levels to explore, and contribute to a leaderboard of some sort; the latter being a fixture of the four-player multiplayer mode.

Speaking of leaderboards, Blackbeard’s Treasure does have a goal for you to chase—an incentive that comes in the form of a local podium with weekly updates bolted to it. If that’s the sort of thing that tickles your fancy, then you might find just enough of a reason to scrape this particular barrel of its local multiplayer-based feudal charm. And if that doesn’t do it for you, then you may be tempted to dabble in one of the game’s secondary modes, like Endless or Ranking. Granted, neither of these two modes add a huge amount to the pot, what with each of their respective setups being almost identical to the vanilla one — but with the added bonus of a scoring system and a mode that lets you continue indefinitely, there is enough to warrant your participation. That is, of course, until the novelty wears off — which is unavoidable, unfortunately.

Verdict

Blackbeard’s Treasure has a novelty factor that, like so many others of its ilk, begins to dissolve the more you subject yourself to its meager existence. It’s an engaging idea, and there’s definitely an oddly illuminating charm to it, but that isn’t to say that it’s without an expiration date. Truth is, Blackbeard’s Treasure does begin to grate after so many hours of tossing the same handful of coins at its network of barrels. Don’t get me wrong, the rewards for doing so are often plentiful, but when all’s said and done, there are really only so many times that you can grace the leaderboard with your peg leg before the feeling of accomplishment begins to transition into a slightly less opportunistic mindset. And that’s a shame, truly.

I can’t bring myself to say that Blackbeard’s Treasure is a bad game — because it isn’t. With that said, it does hold a rather short shelf life, which means, while you can absorb a lot of its finer elements and enjoy a good portion of it without having to break the bank, there is really only so much for you to see and do before it eventually begins to repeat itself and falls into a state of disrepair. It’s fun in short bursts, but it doesn’t quite bring the same level of replay value as a lot of other arcade-like coin jugglers on the starboard side. Take from that what you will, fledgling privateers. If you’re a sucker for anything that references the Jolly Roger, then you might get a kick out of this one for a few hours.