Blueman Review (PC)

I probably should have combed through the terms and conditions before willingly agreeing to sign the dotted line to be the jack-of-all-trades of a bigwig enterprise, but I didn’t. Heck, it became all too clear after the first few minutes that something wasn’t quite right with the corporation, yet it was too late to turn back. In what felt like a heartbeat, the business world slumped all of its weight onto my shoulders, and asked that I venture from the postal room to the pinnacle, doing anything and everything to appease the demonic foes who pulled the strings. I didn’t know what I was there to do, or even what I would receive for following the breadcrumbs of a probationary period. But I knew, deep down, that something was out of place. Yet, it wasn’t in my job description to delve into it.

Blueman doesn’t slump the weight of the world on your shoulders; it automatically assumes that you can perfectly juggle the solar system with your pinkie. It doesn’t check your credentials, and it doesn’t turn to references to help you find your natural habitat in the office. Here, everyone just assumes that, if you can walk a mile in any old pair of shoes, then you can feed the demons and revolutionize the corporate world on your lunch break. For the record, you can’t handle any of these tasks, yet the game makes it so that you have to work your fingers to the bone to appease those who pull the strings from afar. It isn’t always difficult work, but to say that it’s a total walk in the park just wouldn’t be true.

There’s a relatively straightforward jack-of-all-trades sim here, one in which your only purpose is to volley back and forth between corporate figureheads and complete random tasks in a comical manner. The goal, though, isn’t to please the bosses, as such, but to climb the ladder and reach the apex of the building, even if it means having to bend over backwards to satisfy the demands of those who call you their go-to “errand boy.” It’s an odd job, but it pays the bills. Well, sort of.

The Things We Do

Blueman is the sort of game that you waltz into and don’t ask questions about. I suppose it’s a bit like The Stanley Parable, in that you do as you’re told, and you don’t think twice about the consequences. The tasks, while nonsensical and a little “out there” as far as intern-centric walking simulators go, have a purpose, though it isn’t always clear as to what that purpose is. Does it keep you plugging away, despite having little to no established context? Weirdly, yes.

Truth be told, there isn’t so much of a game here as there is a series of seemingly related mini-games and stepping stones that orbit a corporate hierarchy that, for some reason that’s completely unknown to you, needs dismantling and conquering. From the moment you step foot into the stairwell of its lowest tier, you are given jobs that, frankly, don’t make a lick of sense, yet have something to do with the future of your internship. You’ll water plants, deliver mail, and slump restless bodies into booths to complete their daily routine. Oh, and you might just find yourself participating in the occasional demonic ritual, but that’s not important. It is, but it’s honestly better to not ask questions about it. I’m still confused about it.

There’s a pretty strange collection of chores here that are, while still fundamentally apt for a typical office intern (sort of), require you to explore an office space in a Stanley Parable sort of way, and connect the dots whilst waxing an underlying plot that sinks its teeth into demonic fantasy and corporate culture. There’s a hidden meaning behind all of these jobs, but sadly, you aren’t always given the opportunity to figure out what that meaning is. No, you tow the line, and you follow a pattern whilst making heads or tails of your rather unfortunate predicament. Is it a pantomime, or is it a caricature of modern corporate capitalism? It’s a bit of everything, I think.

Towing the Line

In each wing of the game’s towering megaplex, you either find yourself with a seemingly appropriate task to complete, or bolting between desks in an attempt to flee from the sadistic patrons of the establishment. Does it always align with the nature of the job? Not at all, no. Does it keep you on your toes? Weirdly, yes, and that’s pretty much what I’m taking away from this whole office-based ordeal.

Let it be said that, while there isn’t anything overly special sewn into the fabric of the gameplay itself, Blueman does offer some oddly alluring moments, with random “mini-games” and a deceitful sense of progression to keep you second guessing the next floor and the purpose of your visit. It’s a little twisted, and it adores keeping you in suspense as you carefully tow the line to complete your quota. Is it creepy? It is and it isn’t; it’s a parody of corporate infrastructure—a window into a world where desperate folks willingly accept shameful tasks in order to establish a foothold in the field. Maybe it isn’t as deep as that — but that’s what I’m taking away from it.

As I said before, there isn’t a pioneering blueprint to marvel at here. No, if anything, it’s a game that leans into familiarity, with laughable situations and similar office-based escapades forming the backbone for an annoyingly relatable one-and-done stint. It doesn’t stick around all that long, and it doesn’t do much to reinvent the wheel, so to speak — but it does have a lot of heart, and it also provides a mirror to a world that, frankly, a lot of us know a little too well. Is that a good enough reason to sway you into donning the shirt and tie? You tell me. The company benefits aren’t all that great, I’ll be honest.

Verdict

While it isn’t the direct slap to the forehead of corporate executives that I had in mind, I will give credit where it’s due and say that the game does have a pretty good collection of mini-games and comical twists to keep fledgling corporate drones occupied for an hour or so. Granted, Blueman isn’t the be all, end all of office-centric sims, though it does foster some pleasantly surprising ideas, with its fixation on bigwig characters and ego waxing forming a laughably average walking sim with a lot of comical tidbits and oddly disturbing moments. I’m still not entirely sure if it’s a natural-born comedy, but it’s something.