Pirates VR: Jolly Roger Review (PC)

If the shallow launch of Skull & Bones has taught me anything about accuracy, it is that pirates, as troubling as they can be to interpret without being mellow-dramatically stereotypical, deserve a lot more than what Ubisoft handed to them on a coral-covered plank platter. In light of that disappointingly half-baked debut last year, I found myself hunkering down for a fresh tidal wave—a magnificent current that would steer me from the depths of mediocrity and toward a vitalizing shore of thematic mystery and era-appropriate beauty. It was that dire need to unearth something special that eventually led me to Pirates VR: Jolly Roger—a self-proclaimed tapestry of old stories that, according to its creators, pertained to some of the most famous pirate lords of all time. To that end, it had the bark. The question I yearned to have answered, of course, is whether or not it could bite.

Pirates VR: Jolly Roger might as well staple the word cliche to its imaginative forehead, I’ll say that much. I say that, because the immediate reaction to the world that takes the centerfold in this tale isn’t jam-packed full of dank characters or questionable pastimes, but a series of instantly recognizable assets—shipwrecks, golden sands, and of course, tropical parrots of red, green, and blue. To put it simply, if you’ve ever so much as glossed over the opening paragraph of a children’s introductory book on pirate lore, then you’ll more than likely have the capacity to envision exactly what Pirates VR: Jolly Roger presents in its opening ceremony. It’s so on the button, in fact, that its world might as well carry the name of Shipwreck Cove, and its parrot might as well call itself Polly. Anyway, you get the idea; it’s a five-year-old’s depiction of a pirate.

Onward and Upward, and Upward Again

In spite of all its opening cliches, Pirates VR: Jolly Roger does at least manage to breathe life into a breathtaking word of natural wonder and intrigue. And it’s within these initial sequences that, while the gameplay itself is somewhat shortsighted and drab, the scenery at least sets a solid foundation for the journey into the far reaches of the island you find yourself on. Having said that, it isn’t all that long before the whimsical nature of the vibrant coves and ominous caves begin to shed light on an underlying issue — and that’s the gameplay, which is, for lack of a better description, tediously boring. Granted, there are some good things about it, which we’ll break down in a moment, but the bitter truth is, there just isn’t much variety to it.

For the most part, you find yourself completing a set amount of rather generic tasks, some of which require you to climb an elevated piece of terrain, others of which require more scavenging and eagle-eye coordination, for example. Aside from the physical act of walking, climbing, or, in this case, flailing your limbs about to achieve the desired goal, the game also consists of finding items, unlocking important puzzle pieces, and gradually sifting through thematic areas to decipher a little more of the island’s history. And that, sadly, is really all it is: a conventional love letter to privateering, and an excuse to invite players on a short journey that lacks any major sense of purpose or originality. It’s certainly pirate-y — but it’s as equally forgettable as it is thematically plausible.

Flintlock & Gold

While the voiceover work is clean and believable to a certain degree, I can’t help but feel that the script was wasted on a forgettable plot that was ultimately crafted by the author of a semi-mediocre novella. To tell you the truth, I scarcely remember the exact reason why I was patrolling a deserted island with a parrot companion, but I strongly believe it was to locate a sense of belonging and a handful of gold. It didn’t pop, is what I’m saying, and so, while I did enjoy taking any given opportunity to bask in the ambiance, I can’t say that I ever paid all that much attention to the specifics, or even the dialogue, for that matter. To that extent, it was more or less the case of subjecting myself to an on-rails experience; I had a vague idea of what I was doing, and that was enough.

There is a small amount of action in Pirates VR: Jolly Roger, which primarily consists of tackling undead humanoids with a collection of weapons, like a flintlock pistol, for example. In a true VR-like fashion, reloading your trusty flintlock requires a swift downward movement, after which you’re essentially given the opportunity to unleash bullets against your foes and tactically outmaneuver them. In addition to the occasional combat sequence, there are also several puzzles to solve, which, again, don’t necessarily require a lot of effort in order to complete. And, like I mentioned earlier, if you aren’t climbing or traversing some form of terrain, then you’re essentially scouting for items of interest in order to unlock the next portion of the map or unintentionally waving your hands at things until the hook fits, so to speak. Nothing particularly extraordinary about any of this — but it feels responsive, at least.

Trekking for Treasure

All in all, you’re looking at a rough four-hour journey through the sandy archipelago of Pirates VR: Jolly Rogers’ pirate-centric world. Would I personally return to relive these same four hours in a later session? Probably not, no — and it all boils down to the fact that, while the visuals are striking in all the right places, there just isn’t enough of a gratifying feeling to uncovering the lore or progressing the story. It’s certainly a one-and-done sort of voyage, and so, while you are likely to enjoy a lot of the signature art and several of the game’s core elements, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll get a kick out of romping through the generic puzzles and a lot of the repetitive climbing portions that the journey unapologetically spews out like a conveyor belt of splinter-worthy peg legs.

I will say that Pirates VR: Jolly Roger does feature some clean and well-executed motion sequences, most of which refrain from ramping up the possibility of getting motion sickness. It’s just as well that the story only has a handful of hours to share, too; the longer it lasts, the more apparent the underlying sickness is. But even this is a bit of a double-edged sword; it’s short enough that you won’t exit its shores feeling ill, but perhaps not enough to warrant the price of admission. Can’t win ‘em all though, right?

Verdict

Pirates VR: Jolly Roger’s should-be swashbuckling adventure falls short in numerous areas thanks to its lack of creativity and temperamental world design. At times of immense psychological complexity, for instance, there isn’t so much a treasure chest of fresh incentives that keep you on the straight and narrow path toward that ever-famous X, but rather, a shallow dock of repetitive trials and a ludicrous amount of headaches, to boot. Don’t get me wrong, there are some pleasant visuals to marvel over here, though it seems that the lion’s share of the studio’s attention was predominantly lenient to the graphical aspects over the gameplay experience, in general — and that’s a crying shame, given the amount of content and real-world physics it could’ve quite easily emulated in VR.

It pains me to admit, because quite frankly, I love a good pirate-centric video game — doubly so when it incorporates an immersive touch through the power of motion controls and tactical emulation. Sadly, though, Pirates VR: Jolly Roger isn’t quite capable of delivering in that regard; it forgets itself a little too often, and it fools itself into believing that quality visuals and a tropical theme equate to a well-rounded experience. But it doesn’t; it excels in one aspect, but frequently forgets to make the physical act of role playing a swashbuckling privateer fun or inviting. That’s an unfortunate thing, and something that dampens the overall appeal of the product, for sure.

At this particular moment in time, I can’t say that I’d willingly hurl my hard-earned spoils at the shallow treasury grave that is Pirates VR: Jolly Roger. If, however, it was something of a merchant ship with little to zero chance of being intercepted by sky-high paywalls or admission fees, then I’d blow it out of the water in a heartbeat.