Five Nights in Saransk Review (PC)

Identity theft is not a joke, Pine Games. No, really, Five Nights in Saransk is about as on the nose as you could possibly get to a Five Nights at Freddy’s clone. Take the squashy mascots out of the picture, and what you have is, and unapologetically so, a direct rip-off of Five Nights at Freddy’s, complete with all of the same camera-operated gameplay elements, electricity-based operating systems, and button-powered defenses. It is, in all honesty, a little offensive. But, that isn’t to say that it’s a bad game; it’s just a game that already exists in the mainstream. It’s Five Nights at Freddy’s with a minor twist that’s scarcely worth mentioning. You can chalk up your own judgement on that, friends.

Of course, if you have been living beneath a rock for the past decade, then there might still be a chance that you’ve yet to experience Five Nights at Freddy’s, in which case Five Nights in Saransk will hit you like a smooth wave in a ravenous storm. It’s unlikely, mind you. However, if the concept of a manually controlled lockdown simulator with adolescent flourishes and mascots is somewhat alien to you, then there’s a strong possibility that you’ll find something to enjoy for the first time here. Still, if it’s between this and the source material, then I’d recommend sticking with the latter, to be honest.

So, here’s the good news: it’s fodder worthy of a dollar store bargain bin. At just seventy-five cents, Five Nights at Saransk has enough material to warrant your attention, and perhaps even a generous do-over, mainly thanks to its randomized format and style of progression; like Five Nights at Freddy’s, each game has its own unique set of obstacles and outcomes, and so on and so forth. But that’s about all that this is: a mirrored image of a successful game, but with its own tongue-in-cheek branding on the label. If that doesn’t faze you, then you’re in for a real treat with this one.

Familiar Faces, Suspicious Places

It goes like this: you awaken in the dead of night in your one-bedroom apartment, dazed, confused, and without the slightest clue as to what it is that you are looking to achieve during the eleventh hour. Surprise surprise, a flock of seemingly innocent critters are at your door, and they’re all equally hell-bent on gaining rightful passage to your home. Here’s the catch: the buttons that you need to use to keep the doors shut all consume electricity; the more you lean on electricity, the quicker the looming critters will be able to breach your defences. Again, like Five Nights at Freddy’s,  but with a whole bunch of memes and Easter Eggs that will, in all honesty, make you want to pull the hair from your scalp.

The objective here is as simple as you would expect it to be: keep the critters away from your doorstep, and strategically activate the buttons as and when you need to. To aid your efforts, you have a camera system—a channel that you can turn to in order to map your enemies and their movements—and a couple of useful tools, including a broom, a stick, and dumb luck. The idea, though, is simple: alternate between cameras, lights, and door switches, and survive as long as humanly possible without allowing the creatures to demolish your fortifications. Simple, right? Eh, sort of.

Suffice it to say that, with all of its components taken into consideration, there’s a pretty simple hook here, and one that doesn’t require too much effort to pull out of the bag. It is, for the most part, about balancing your time and energy levels, as well as monitoring the usual camera feeds to ensure that you’re keeping track of whatever monstrosities that lurk within the system. It’s simple, slightly irritating, and awfully reminiscent of “you know what.” But let’s not dwell on that, even though the similarities are more or less staring at you right in the eye from point-blank range.

Homeward Bound

If you’re wondering whether or not there’s a special ingredient here that makes Five Nights at Saransk stand just that little bit taller over its peers — no, there isn’t. Frankly, it’s a simplified version of an existing model that doesn’t push the boundaries of its chosen genre. Well, at least the opening portion of the game is, anyway. See, once you thwart the critters’ attempts at gaining access to your home—a task that takes roughly fifteen minutes, give or take—you take to the streets of a liminal world where odd jobs and jabs at pop culture take the stage. After that, it’s the case of scrubbing floors, unveiling memes, and, for some reason, removing lamps from the walls. And if you’re wondering what on earth any of this has to do with the first half of the game, then join the club, basically.

What entails over a patchy twenty-five minute stretch is a series of seemingly pointless tasks and snide jabs at adolescent pop culture, with illustrations and sound effects that, frankly, the average 6,7 kid will happily chuckle at for a lot longer than the seasoned gamer. It’s ridiculous, but for the target demographic, it’s an opportunity to bathe in stupidity. But, maybe that’s the point.

Given the price, you can more or less expect a rough experience here, with the usual rugged edges and audiovisual flaws of a ten-second indie with little to no artistic flair whatsoever. It’s cheap, yet weirdly appealing for all the wrong reasons. Is it worth taking on as a side quest? Not really, no. For a quick laugh, though, I suppose it’s worth the risk.

Verdict

Five Nights in Saransk doesn’t make the slightest effort to disguise its existence as a shameless cash grab by inserting placeholders over a familiar Five Nights at Freddy’s blueprint, nor does it do anything overtly dramatic to reinvent the wheel with anything particularly special, for that matter. That said, I can appreciate a clone when I see one, even if said clone is about as on the nose as one could possibly get. It’s the same experience, with perhaps a couple of its own twists and turns, memes and mascots. But other than that, what you see is what you get: a wannabe horror that leans on the shoulder of its forefather a little too strongly to convey its message.

When all’s said and done, there’s a cheap game here that might be good for a quick giggle. However, if you’re looking for a thrilling adventure into a jank-riddled world, then you might want to consider an alternative route to help scratch “that” itch.