Sintopia Review (PC)

I’m going to be straight with you. I’d much rather wait in the queue for Nemesis Inferno at Alton Towers for eight hours than have to juggle souls in the darkest depths of Hell for twenty minutes. Initially, I thought I could lean into old habits and accept the role as Administrator, and then, without giving it a second thought, impishly jiggle a wand around like the judge, jury, and executioner of the Underworld. I figured, if I could follow a trail similar to the one I crossed in the likes of Two Point or Galacticare, I’d have no quarrel with a moral compass. I could check sinful residents in, and I could scoot them along their way with as little as a knock on the back of the knuckle. But, Sintopia didn’t want things to be that easy for me. It wanted me to suffer, and it wanted to saddle me with all the wrath in the world whilst I cowardly shuffled the paperwork.

I thought it would be an easy gig. Hell, I thought it would be as simple as erecting a few rehabilitation facilities, hiring a few imps to launder the funds, and absolving those in dire need of a newfound faith. But, it wasn’t like that at all, and Sintopia was annoyingly quick to point out the bitter reality of administrative procedures. It wasn’t just about managing sin and teaching right from wrong; it was about learning how to cope in a world where everything was burning in broad daylight. Hundreds of souls would pass through the corridors of Hell, but I’d never have the room to accommodate them, let alone administer their cure. Imps would struggle to keep the paperwork in check, and the Gods, almost as if to kick me when I’d be at my lowest, would frequently remind me that nothing would ever get better. Hell was at maximum capacity, and I just sort of had to roll with the punches.

If all of this sounds like a total headache to you, then I can only only suggest that you rehabilitate yourself in an alternate circle, for Sintopia is not the laid-back god-centric sandbox game that you want it to be. Oh, it’s hilarious, and it’s about as bizarre as sandbox games come. But it’s also a massive pain in the neck. See, while the concept is simple—to maintain Hell, and to service sinful Humus (humans, basically) before sending them along their way with a new sense of purpose, the act of juggling the word as it collapses beneath your feet is about as simple as solving an 18×18 Rubik’s Cube that has no colors, only various shades of crimson red and molten black.

Behind its black and blood red exterior is a great God game—a fascinating world-crafting build ‘em up affair that’s both entertaining and laughably complex. The idea, much like a traditional management or general automation game, is to orchestrate an ironclad system that allows for sinful individuals to pass through your conveyor belt and move on to the next phase in their questionable journey. But, there’s a catch: as you burn through souls, you unlock more problems. After ten, maybe twenty minutes, more people find themselves in your clutches, and more obstacles prevent you from maintaining a well-oiled machine for a business model. A world burns, and it falls to you to somehow pick up the pieces, without the infrastructure to accommodate, and without the colleagues to handle your needs.

To say that there’s a lot to juggle at once here would be an understatement, truly. There are tutorials, true, and there is a campaign that walks you through the steps as you learn to take your place as a fledgling administrator in the underbelly of Hell. Moreover, you have a ton of great features to sift through, with some creative buildings blocks and a well-rounded voiceover track to keep you company whilst you grasp the fundamentals. Unfortunately, it takes less than ten minutes to lose sight of these stepping stones and helpful notes, as the experience quickly begins to feel like less of a probation period, and more of an uphill battle with no real summit to mount.

To give credit where credit is due, Sintopia does have some awfully good bones. Visually, it fits the theme perfectly well, with a clean, satanic atmosphere that has all of the fiery, impish elements of a familiar, albeit cliche Hell-oriented world. Moreover, it adopts some brilliant voice acting, on-the-nose characters and a solid variety of customizable components. The only downside to all of this is that, annoyingly, it takes an awful lot to appreciate the positives in a world that forces a habit of feeding you negatives. What’s more, as the game crams a lot onto the screen, it can also feel rather overstimulating even during the quietest moments. Frankly, there’s a lot to learn here, and even more balls for you to juggle as time moves forward. But then, that’s all part of the fun, isn’t it? It could be worse. It could be Frostpunk.

Let it be said that, if you can swivel your head around the fact that you’re essentially doomed to fail right from the beginning, then you will find a brilliant God game here, which in itself is a sight for sore eyes in this day and age. It might be something of an uphill battle that poses more challenges than solutions, but let’s be honest, juggling Hell’s affairs was never going to be a picnic.

Verdict

Sintopia bathes in the fires of a ruthlessly cruel and unforgiving society in which balancing administrative affairs is just as much of a punishment as the act of absolving those destined to suffer the consequences of their sinful actions. It isn’t a soothing affair; it’s a pain in the backside that you’ll both love and hate for all of the wrong reasons. But, if you can look beyond its fiery shores and learn to roll with the punches (there’s a lot of them, to be honest), then you should be able to enjoy all seven circles and just about every wisp and impish scheme that come with it.

Despite the fact that it is a rather daunting game, the general framework is still great here. With some great campaign-based milestones and sandbox features, voiceover work and comical infusions, Sintopia clearly makes for a unique experience that’s as equally fun as it is painful. Swings and roundabouts, really.