Geometry Dash Review (PC & Mobile)

If it wasn’t for the superfluous effects and stupidly catchy soundtrack, I probably would have sent both my phone and Geometry Dash through the kitchen window a long, long time ago. Yet, there’s something about it that keeps me coming back to relive the same pain and torment. Frustratingly, there’s a temptation that hits unlike any other mobile game—an urge to clamber up the percentage and finally complete a level after well over a hundred attempts. You hate it, but you want more of it. And, after a while, you just sort of realize that your head is bopping to the rhythm like clockwork. You’re in a state of trance, and you cannot escape from it. That, unfortunately, is the Geometry Dash curse that eventually swallows you whole. It’s painfully addicting, yet unapologetically difficult. Thank goodness for the music, then.

Geometry Dash isn’t mechanically complex, nor is it a game that requires a ton of training to play through. Heck, you don’t even need to be a mathematician to crack the formula — only a willing soul with more than enough time to sacrifice a life to the strenuous task of, well, jumping on cue. And that’s all that this game is: a stupidly quick rhythm game that tasks you with jumping, bouncing, and occasionally flying through a wide spectrum of vibrant worlds, where blocks, spikes, and flamboyant obstacles orbit the tapestry. It sounds rather simple on paper, and to some degree, it is. But it’s the barricades that prevent seamless progression, however, that make it a lot more difficult than it needs to be.

Unlike a lot of platforming and rhythm games on the market, Geometry Dash has no checkpoints, meaning, if you hit so much as a single object, be it a wall, a spike or another cube, you have to start from scratch. The soundtrack begins from the first beat, and you take your position back at the first hurdle. At first, it’s something that you can brush off and laugh about. But then, the more you subject yourself to it, the more you begin to realize that the odds of ever reaching the end are a lot lower than in any other mobile game, ever. And that’s the thing with Geometry Dash: you don’t win; you just repeat the same process over and over again until you make it through to the crescendo.

Let it be said that, while you can beat the levels in Geometry Dash, obtaining the bragging rights and title cards that tie in with completion isn’t something that you can unlock overnight. The problem is, with a difficulty spike so absurdly high, roughly half of the population tend to abandon the hopes of ever finding the apex before beating the first two levels. But then, where a lot to mobile games fail to coerce you to come back and give it another shot, Geometry Dash, in spite of all its tedious curveballs, gives you a reason to go looking for another dopamine injection. You’ll uninstall it out of anger, but you’ll still download it again and again for the sake of being able to prod your ego.

As I said, if not for the annoyingly catchy tracks and psychedelic level designs, Geometry Dash wouldn’t be the powerhouse title that it is. I’ll admit, there are only so many times that you can hear the same beats and opening notes on a track before it begins to grate on your brain, but to give credit where it’s due, the game does have some great tunes and a lot of charm. Visually, it’s simple. Yet, each level also finds various ways to keep you second guessing the next obstacle. In one moment you can be soaring through an ultraviolet rift, and in another you can be flipping your device upside down to tackle mirrored controls. The fact that you aren’t able to pause the game or even prepare for what’s ahead, too, means that you’re always forced to  think on your feet. It’s sweat-inducing chaos, but it’s also a lot of fun to slug through, even with a lingering headache that internally memorializes the rhythm of a score that you both hate to love and love to hate.

If you can tolerate the headaches and frequent jabbing pains in your heart for each time you fail to herd the cube, you should be able to find an entertaining game here that will keep you busy for hours, minutes, or perhaps even seconds. It’s doubtful that you’ll leave it with a sense of pride and satisfaction, but for all the while you choose to tap the screen and thump your neck to the rhythmic blues of its psychedelic roots, you will have something to keep your mind occupied. And that’s all that matters, really. It’s the fledgling completionists who I feel sorry for.

Verdict

Geometry Dash can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on what it is that you’re looking for, as well as what you’re hoping to accomplish from the comfort of your own home. If it’s a swift equation that’ll make you feel like the smartest person in the room that tickles your fancy, then you probably won’t find that here. But, if it’s a painstakingly tough mobile game that’ll keep you tearing the hairs from your scalp for hours that you’re after, then you honesty won’t find a better hair removal cream than this.

Geometry Dash isn’t rocket science, and it definitely isn’t A-grade calculus; it’s a simplified equation with too many variables in disguise. It’s a problem that you will actively loathe solving, yet also one that you’ll find yourself wracking your brain over time and time again for the sake of scratching a rather niche itch. The odds of you ever finding a plausible answer to its chaos is depressingly slim, true, but that isn’t to say that you won’t be able to enjoy the process of devising your own solution. And even then, at least you’ll have a stellar soundtrack to soften the pain. It’s the little things that count here, really.