Conker Series Review (Nintendo, Xbox & PC VR)

Before Microsoft HoloLens’ Young Conker shamefully butchered Rare’s foul-mouthed anthropomorphic squirrel, the name Conker meant something to the world. It wasn’t an innocent IP, and it certainly didn’t care to turn a blind eye to political correctness, either. Conker, for the most part, was a middle finger to conventional platforming—a tongue-in-cheek slap to the face that openly embraced the uncharted waters to dabble in something new and exciting. It wasn’t always graceful, and it definitely didn’t have the generational appeal of a property that could obliterate mountains and still find a flock to lecture. But, for a select few, Conker was the a new lease on life—a real breath of fresh air that was needed in order to shake the world to its core. And it did, despite the fact that it trod on a lot of toes along the way.

Of course, Conker wasn’t always a “bad egg”; at one point, in fact, the series was considered a family-friendly franchise, believe it or not. But then, almost as if to rock the apple cart, Rare made a decision that would ultimately lead to one of the most unorthodox pivots in gaming history. That cutesy red squirrel? Gone. A caveman urinating on a sentient boulder DJ? A common element that would go on to blaze the trail for a brand-new experience and, in turn, rebel against the world of traditional platforming. A bold move, yet one that just so happened to be the saving grace for a somewhat dying breed. It wasn’t pretty, but boy was it ballsy.

At the time of Conker’s Bad Fur Day’s release on Nintendo, nobody knew what to expect. In fact, in the wake of an otherwise ordinary existence, fans of the series figured that, if it was of a similar vein as its previous chapter, Conker’s Pocket Tales—a top-down action-adventure game with a theme similar to The Legend of Zelda—then the next installment wouldn’t be anything more than a fitting successor with vaguely familiar traits. But, it wasn’t. Conker’s Bad Fur Day wasn’t a natural heir to the throne; it was a jester who just wanted to brew a little trouble and laugh at its own mistakes. The series made a beeline for a world of toilet humor and bad language, pop culture references and drunken shenanigans, and the rest, really, was mere fodder for its canon of kookiness. Conker added its two cents to the pot, and Rare, dumbfounded by their unruly creation, made history.

Of course, if you’ve been living beneath a rock for the best part of twenty years, then I can only describe Conker’s Bad Fur Day as a semi-open world platforming game. That is, quite simply, the carcass of it—the skeletal infrastructure without the organs, so to speak. Frankly, there’s a lot more to it than that. For the sake of making a beeline for the bone marrow, however, here’s everything that you need to know about it. I’d buckle in if I were you. It’s about to get weird.

The Birds & The Bees

Conker’s Bad Fur Day follows the titular protagonist over the course of a post-hangover lull. Destined to make his way back home to rid the scent of alcohol from his fur, the annoyingly adorable red squirrel mistakenly bumps into a talking scarecrow who, like him, wishes to remediate a foul hangover. A hop, skip and a tail whip later, Conker begins to encounter all sorts of unusual characters—a king bee with an undying lust for a sunflower; a dung beetle with an ability to shape mountains from fecal matter; a great, great, great, great uncle who just so happens to be a vampire; a cow with an ungodly obsession with prune juice; and a Sergeant who also happens to cradle the thought of being able to recreate the opening scenes of Saving Private Ryan. The list here, believe it or not, descends a lot deeper. Spoilers, though.

The game itself isn’t so much of a one-track platforming game as it is a comical sandbox with a surplus of buckets and plastic shovels. As a tongue-in-cheek royal affair that doesn’t shy away from satire or unlikely combinations, it pours its eggs into a bunch of different baskets and then adopts each chick that proudly emerges from the shells, some of which come ugly, some of which come ill mannered and stupendously outrageous. On paper, it shouldn’t work. Yet in Conker, it strikes you as a fever dream that you never want to wake up from. It’s ridiculous, but in the best possible sense of the word. Is it for everyone? No. But, it is worth venturing into, if only for the copious amounts of comical Easter Eggs and pop culture references, the nods to Saving Private Ryan, The Matrix, Terminator and Clockwork Orange, and so on and so forth.

If you’re looking for the best Conker game to throw your cash at, then you should swiftly opt for the track that leads to Rare Replay or, provided that you have access to an original Xbox, Live & Reloaded. If you want to witness the death or the franchise, however, then you needn’t look any further than Young Conker.

Verdict

Conker might be dead and buried, but that doesn’t mean that the anthropomorphic squirrel is without the symbolic crest of a long-lasting legacy etched into its tombstone. If it weren’t for HoloLens’ shockingly poor adaptation of the protagonist, the series probably could have been alive in this era of outlandish platforming franchises. But, that time has passed, and frankly, the chances of seeing Conker and Berri reprising their roles for another whirlwind adventure through dung and lava are disappointingly slim. Still, for what it’s worth, Conker will continue to hold its position on the spectrum as one of the most rebellious series of all time. Say what you will, but there’s no denying the fact that, although it no longer draws the same breath, it is, strangely, a crucial part of history. Thanks for ruining it, Young Conker.