If you want to talk about things that exceed the very limits of mortality, then let’s talk about video game characters. In our rightful minds, we know all too well that a bullet to the head would lead to some pretty morbid consequences, but those rules don’t often apply to the heroes and villains that make up the industry. Call it dumb luck, or even a fluke, but the fact is, game characters have this weird ability to brush off the heaviest burdens without issue.
Of course, there are some that have the capability to absorb bullets like sun rays, and even soak up shrapnel and debris like a sea sponge. These are the characters we really love to talk about, as it’s evidently clear that they’re built without boundaries. But which of these few stand out the most to us, and which have boarded more damage than the vast majority of bog-standard townsfolk? Well, here’s how we see it.
5. BJ Blazkowicz (Wolfenstein)
We all knew from the get-go that BJ Blazkowicz was a tough so-and-so, as he proved in the prologue to Wolfenstein: The New Order. After being tortured and rendered to a pitiful frame of mind, the war hero came back stronger than ever, under the wing of the soon-to-be love interest, Anya. Following on from that, it was only an upwards spiral.
That said, there was a moment that truly won us over, a moment that was well beyond the realm of possibility. Blazkowicz, in a bid to fool the Nazi army, subjected himself to a beheading live on stage, only to then have his severed head quickly recovered from the gutters and restored. Now that, understandably, was a moment none of us will ever forget, as it proved the iron veteran was basically incapable of dying—even without a head.
4. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)
Hunting down treasure in the hazardous remains of an ancient civilization surely comes with a number of life-threatening situations, right? Well, yeah, it should do, yet characters like Nathan Drake from Uncharted have managed to overcome such tribulations more times than we’d like to count. In reality, though, the tenacious historian would’ve died within hours of embarking on his first expedition.
From dangling off of derailed locomotives to trekking the scorching desert without any supplies, Nathan Drake probably should have met his bitter end on several occasions. But, when a phenomenal discovery idles on the horizon, injury becomes a second thought, and nobody really bats an eyelid. That’s the beauty of gaming, for sure, even if it does defy logic at every given crossroad.
3. Jack Baker (Resident Evil 7: Biohazard)
Technically, we can pin this one on a parasite, rather than an unusual ability to withstand abnormal amounts of damage for no reason whatsoever. That said, Jack Baker of Resident Evil 7: Biohazard truly took the cake, as he was physically incapable of taking a loss—even when hanging on by fleshy cords and blood wisps.
We must have beaten Jack Baker a good three times before finally admitting to the fact that Capcom was just toying with our patience. Because the fact of the matter is, he should have died right there in the garage after being pinned up against a blazing inferno of a vehicle. But no, he came back again, and then again…and then again. Sigh.
2. Ethan Mars (Heavy Rain)
I think we can all agree that, when a child’s life is in danger—especially one of your own—we would do anything to rid them from harm’s way. Ethan Mars from Heavy Rain did exactly this, tenfold, by completing a series of death-defying tasks in order to uncover the location of his kidnapped son. But boy, talk about being a walking bullet sponge.
Over the length of his unfortunate journey against the notorious Origami Killer, Ethan had to drive against oncoming traffic, shimmy through live wires and broken glass, and even slice off his own finger. By the end of the game, he was a limping wreck of a man, but so driven by determination and spirit. In reality, though, he would have died from blood loss during some of the the opening trials. That’s just dumb luck, I guess.
1. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
Let’s face it, Lara Croft should be dead. She isn’t, but she should be. Now, whether you agree or disagree is sort of irrelevant, because the fact of the matter is, she isn’t one to suffer the same damage an everyday person would. Even prancing around as an adolescent on the outskirts of Croft Manor should have been a sorrowful end for the ambitious archaeologist, but instead it was nothing more than a stepping stone, a minor speed bump on an otherwise high-octane highway.
Of course, we’re overjoyed to see that Croft is still as flexible and as mortally void as she was back in the nineties. That said, she’s also suffered from so much damage over the years that, in all honesty, she should be in a full body cast by now. However, that’ll never truly be on the cards. She’s a survivor at heart, and probably always will be. That’s something that will never likely change so long as Crystal Dynamics pull the strings.
So, what’s your take? Do you agree with our top five? Which characters would you have included on this list? Let us know over on our socials here or down in the comments below.