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The Dark Pictures: 5 Characters We Actually Wanted to Kill

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Ah yes — The Dark Pictures anthology. Quite the roster of characters we’ve seen over our twisted adventures, right? Of course, we’ve essentially tried to save the whole squadron with each passing journey — but there have, strangely enough, been the odd couple of teens that we’ve wanted to leave behind without thinking twice about the consequences. It’s only natural, to test our patience and throw curveballs at us to see how we’d react to such personalities. And while the aim of each chapter is to keep the pack alive through to the end — we do have to question our moralities from time to time.

Including Until Dawn, although not part of The Dark Pictures anthology (though a creation branched from Supermassive Games), we’ve seen our fair share of unlikeable protagonists. From the self-centred teens to the cowardly pensioners — we’ve seen them all, draped in watered-down qualities and all.  However, it’s these very five that we actually set aside from the pack. It’s these five, weirdly enough — that we actually tried to have killed from the get-go.

 

5. Taylor (Little Hope)

Taylor: the extra baggage we probably could’ve done without.

We all enjoy an anarchist every once in a while. Not only do they tend to outlive the majority of the group — but they also thrive from opposing the pack mentality, which often leads the remainder to their fatal conclusions. The problem is, Taylor wasn’t quite the head-strong rebel we thought she’d be when delving into Little Hope. Instead, she really was just a self-centred child with very little interest in anything other than her own survival. And as for the rest of the survivors, well — who cares, right? Not Taylor, that’s for sure.

Little Hope introduced quite the diverse group into the fold, and Taylor, above many of them, really was one character we didn’t feel a connection with. Sadly, she just drifted into a void that we didn’t care to explore at any point during our time in the misty town. And so, with that, when it came to fighting for her survival during the closing segments of the journey — we didn’t really pretend to act like we wanted her to see daylight. We just…tolerated her, I guess.

 

4. Jessica (Until Dawn)

There are only so many times you can save one person before it becomes a little, well — exhausting.

What would a horror flick be without the naive straggler who somehow gets lucky with every deadly curveball? It seems only natural for Until Dawn to include someone with such characteristics, right? And yet, it didn’t change our ways when it came to trying to keep them breathing. Jessica, of all the simple-minded people in the horror world — was definitely a one-track mind we didn’t feel entwined to help at any point during Until Dawn.

Tailing off of almost every other decision made by friends, Jessica really didn’t contribute a single strategic point throughout the entire game. Instead, what we were left with, in a nutshell — was a stereotypical tongue-tied teen with zero ambition or survival instincts to boot. And while we did try and keep her alive for the duration of our stay up on Blackwood Mountain, we did have the odd speedbump where we wanted to sweep her from our shoulders altogether.

 

3. Alex (Man of Medan)

The lights are on, but you can bet there’s nobody home.

If you’ve stumbled upon a more wooden character than Alex from Man of Medan, then please, feel free to let us know. Otherwise, you’ll probably agree that this so-called hero isn’t anything more than a motionless canvas with some of the dullest traits ever implemented in a video game. I mean, sure, he’s set in his ways about being the perfect boyfriend and idolized brother, but come on — the guy is about as entertaining as a piece of wet tissue.

Okay, so Alex does share a few heroic moments throughout the lengthy expedition, but overall, it’s his feeble qualities that ultimately drag his name down to the ocean floor. Of course, poor voice work alone probably contributes to the majority of the hatred we built for Alex, but even still — there isn’t an interesting bone in his body, and therefore, we just couldn’t care less if he made it out alive or suffered the consequences of trespass.

 

2. John (Little Hope)

All talk — no game. Like zero.

There’s always that cowardly follower in the group, isn’t there? And what’s usually worse is when they tend to stand taller than they really are. Of course, actions often speak louder than words in most circumstances. Unfortunately for John, the guy is practically a wordsmith with a slew of ideas — only his actions amount to very little at all. Instead, what the professor often resorts to is putting his students at the front of the pack and using them as stepping stones to assure his own survival. So like I said — cowardly.

From the moment we lose our way in the isolated town of Little Hope, John quickly confirms his worthlessness by submitting reckless or unnecessary ideas that reek of failure. As time moves on, we begin to see the teacher for a whole lot more than the cowardice that pours from his skin. We see somebody that, quite frankly, we don’t like, and wouldn’t mind leaving behind in the fog. And so, while John might be a top-tier professor — he’s still getting an F for personality alone.

 

1. Emily (Until Dawn)

I won’t lie — it took us a lot to keep Emily alive.

Okay, so kudos if you managed to keep Emily above water until dawn. Because let’s face it — it takes a whole lot of patience to keep the self-centred know-it-all from suffering a fatal end. Even during the moments where you can quite easily leave Emily in the dirt over the six-hour journey, summoning the strength to actually hit those QTEs on time can be a challenge in itself. And I’ll level with you — keeping this member of the gang alive was probably the most conflicted I’ve ever been in a video game, and you’ll probably agree on that.

Right off the bat, Emily immediately strikes us as being a ridiculously overprivileged teen that relies on others to inflate her ego. With zero redeeming qualities and a whole barrel of teeth-grinding characteristics, we’re quick to gloss over the thought of how and when we’ll dispose of her. Of course, Until Dawn urges you to keep the whole group alive until sunrise, but boy — Supermassive sure did test us by slotting Emily into the roster.

Looking for more? You could always give these lists a go:

Our Team: 5 Video Game Characters We’d Definitely Assemble