Just Die Already Review (Xbox Series X|S, PlayStation 5 & PC)

Just Die Already comes close to being the second and, more importantly, unspoken sequence in the Goat Simulator series. It’s so on the nose, in fact, that it almost feels as if you’re playing the same game, only with less farmyard animals and more, well, desperate pensioners who cradle death as firmly as their own broken dentures. Given that it does fall from the same studio that designed Goat Simulator, though, it sort of makes sense here. To some extent, it’s the same gig. Moreover, it’s the same gag and general setup: a rag doll character—an OAP, in this case—embarks on a reckless quest to cause mischief in a sandbox world of otherworldly citizens and absurdly dangerous objects. If you’re looking for something that cuts a little deeper than that, then you might want to soak your teeth in an alternate dish of saline solution. You won’t find a brilliant story here, friends.

As the title implies, Just Die Already is about elderly folk who, for some reason that’s completely unknown to us, the spectators, seek to extinguish their flames in a spectacular way. But, it isn’t just about meeting fate in an unorthodox fashion; it’s about scratching off items from a bucket list en route to the Pearly Gates or, you know, wherever old folk who don katanas and decapitate unsuspecting victims tend to travel once they meet their maker. To that end, it’s a bit like Goat Simulator, in that you have a checklist to complete at your own pace, a sandbox world that’s broken up into several themed biomes, and the usual rag doll physics that allow you to obliterate set pieces and wreak havoc on a world that, well, would soon rather you be dead than alive and kicking.

As far as objectives go, Just Die Already makes a habit of filling your to-do list with as many pointless activities as possible, some of which require you to simply “play ball” on the court, while others require you to earn enough in-game cash—a task that also requires you to complete additional sandbox jobs—to unlock various weapons and inhumanely pulverize poor citizens for no reason whatsoever. Aside from all of that, you have jobs that require you to manually drive a matchbox car through volatile neighborhoods, as well as a whole bunch of random encounters that allow you to establish a bigger picture of the world and the weirdness that it so desperately tries to convey. Again, textbook Goat Simulator stuff.

As I said, I wouldn’t expect a lot of plot twists here. Right from the beginning, you have a handful of OAPs to choose from, a nexus of quirky areas to explore, and a small journal to gradually work through before you finally take a knee to praise the death knell that rings so loudly in your ears. Everyone wants you to die here, and almost everything can and eventually will slaughter you. It’s what you manage to do with the time you have left, of course, that makes an otherwise dull send-off all the more satisfying, albeit ridiculously violent and oftentimes tedious.

Like Goat Simulator, almost every single set piece and mechanic is broken in Just Die Already. It doesn’t matter if you’re shooting hoops at the local court or beheading a construction worker. Frankly, if the game tells you to hit a prompt, then it probably means the other prompt that refuses to hug the screen. Heck, it doesn’t matter if the goal is right between your eyes. If the task is to hit a button, then it’s highly likely that you won’t get it done on the first, second, or fifteenth try. You flop, flail, and frequently electrocute yourself on a set of power lines. Honestly, though, it doesn’t matter, for when you finally begin to realize that no single objective in Just Die Already is a picnic, the journey soon becomes a little easier to digest. That is, of course, until it eventually becomes a bad case of indigestion.

To give credit where it’s due, Just Die Already has some brilliant ideas, and not to mention a huge range of creative death sequences and journal entries. It also houses a sizable world and a ton of hilarious Easter Eggs that pay tribute to various pop culture figures. But that’s about all that Just Die Already has: a jam-packed world of physics-based shenanigans and an open-ended narrative that you can mold into your own private death chamber for the elderly. It’s good for a quick giggle I’ll admit. But, like all things that lean into the Goat Simulator universe, such things can quickly begin to grate on the brain after thirty or forty minutes of processing information at such high speeds.

Suffice it to say, you won’t find a spotless game here, much less a sturdy one that fosters slick and seamless gameplay transitions and airtight controls. As I said before, almost everything that you do in this world has a drawback. If you’re not dying at the hand of infuriated commoners, then you’re fighting a battle internally, usually due to the fact that every job is made to feel like an impossible task that only the likes of Chuck Norris could complete. I’ll admit that, while it is incredibly funny at first, the blatant incompetence of the pensioners can begin to feel like an unnecessary burden in itself as time passes by. Funny, but tedious.

Of course, if you can see Just Die Already for the silly rag doll sandbox affair that it is, then it’s likely that you’ll be able to stick around long enough to witness it at its finest. That being said, I wouldn’t expect a flawless experience here. It’s a hot mess, truly — but that’s sort of what it wants to be, and at no point does it pretend to be anything other than that. Yet, the question remains: How much would you be willing to fork out for a sloppy set of dentures with half the teeth missing?

Verdict

Like a raggedy old glove, Just Die Already slips into the shoddiness and the half-baked kookiness of Goat Simulator with the intent to recapture the silliness and rag doll charm that made it so pointlessly fun, to begin with. To some extent, it feels like a great fit, too. Admittedly, it’s a terrible game, but that’s sort of what you need every once in a blue moon, if only to remind yourself that things don’t need to be perfect in order to be enjoyable. It’s good for a quick chuckle, and that alone makes it worth the price of admission. Still, if you’re hoping for an evergreen experience that will keep you thoroughly engaged for the long haul, then you might want to consider signing up for a different nursing home.