Trees Hate You Demo Review (PC)

Louis Armstrong might’ve seen trees of green, but I, on the other hand, saw nothing but a veil of red mist. It should’ve been a peaceful stroll through the woods—a perfect opportunity to traipse the landscape after a succulent picnic. Stupidly, I bought into it. I figured, if a game could look adorable, sound good, and present itself as a simple walking experience, then I’d be able to sweep it beneath the rug and be home in time for dinner. But, that wasn’t the case. Trees Hate You wasn’t a walk in the park; it was a rollercoaster ride that had no intention of letting me off to savor the journey.

Slugging through Trees Hate You is a bit like being slapped in the face with a branch, and then being crushed to death with the trunk of a great oak tree. It isn’t a serious game by any stretch, nor is it one that wants you to enjoy the journey. For lack of a better description, it’s a rage game that loves to torment you with all of the tools on God’s green earth. And when I say tools, I mean, well, trees. Trees possess the weight of the world, and you — you are nothing but a simple trespasser who has mistakenly stepped into the wrong side of town. You are not a hero on a noble quest; you are the sole target in a battle with the wild.

If you can think of a reason why the trees would want to belittle you, then chances are you probably deserve whatever you have coming to you. But if you, like me, haven’t the slightest clue as to why a tree would steal your hat and then tear it apart like a Turkish ice cream vendor with a god complex, then join the club. The fact is, nothing will prepare you for this journey. If you think you know your puzzles, then sadly, you’re in for a rather rude awakening. You’ll absolutely hate it here, and Trees Hate You knows it all too well.

Trees Hate You is, with all due respect, one big joke that loves to repeat the same punchline. It isn’t the sort of game that you delve into with the intent to wax your puzzle-solving skills or inflate your own ego. In short, it’s an episodic adventure that invites you to witness the emotional downfall of an ordinary citizen. You aren’t a tree surgeon on a mission; you’re a casual visitor who simply wants to go home. Not that this is ever made to feel possible, mind you.

Of course, trees might provide oxygen and give life, but if Trees Hate You does anything at all, it pulls out all the stops to ensure that you have no air in your lungs left to keep you moving forward. As a classic rage game at heart, it works only to slap you on the wrist for the most bizarre reasons. If you make progress, it tortures you. Likewise, if you find a solution to a problem, it finds a way to knock you back and give you another issue to solve. The point is, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you’re capable of. If the trees want you to fall flat on your face, then you should learn to accept your fate and, you know, get on with it. There are no winners in the woods, basically, only trees and death sequences.

If you’re wondering whether or not there’s a point to Trees Hate You, then you’re in for a bit of a surprise. No, is the short answer — there isn’t. Or at least, not one that I can think of that would make you feel any better about your predicament. The truth is, Trees Hate You is about as weightless and as paper thin as rage-comedy games come. If there is a plot here, then it does a remarkable job of hiding it. But I don’t think having a good plot is a priority here. Boiling the blood of picnic goers, on the other hand, is something that it excels in, tenfold.

Picture this: you find a top hat in a treasure chest. You walk beneath a tree and a branch snags it. You look to reclaim it, but then the branch moves and places the hat onto another branch. You give up, walk away, and then get pummeled by a second tree. You respawn, and the cycle repeats itself, only with different trees, obstacles, and “puzzles” for you to overcome. A quest to quell the trees unfolds, and your patience soon falls to pieces. Trees Hate You punches you in the face, and you, being at the end of the stick, continue to be the brunt of a joke that nobody finds funny. The trees, however, find it hilarious.

Trees Hate You lives up to its reputation as a game that idolizes bullying and pettiness. It isn’t a game that will make you feel good, that much is obvious. It is, however, a game that balances both humor and rage-baiting puzzles surprisingly well. Oh, it’ll make you laugh, and it’ll also make you cry. But that’s sort of the point of a traditional rage game: to give you a reason to laugh at your own mistakes. It’s finding joy in the little things that’s important, even if it means having to be the focal point for each and every joke, of which there are a lot.

If you can take it all on the chin, then you should be able to enjoy Trees Hate You at face value and learn to laugh at it. It isn’t likely to claim Game of the Year at any point in the near future, but it’s good for a giggle, and that counts for a lot.

Verdict

Trees Hate You might be as paper thin and as rage-inducing as a blunt pencil in a trichotomy exam, but that isn’t to say that it’s a game without a funny bone or an idea of how to make blood-boiling situations comical. It’s relentless, irritating, and stupid enough to make you weep in disbelief, true. Though, it’s also weirdly entertaining in the worst possible sense of the word. To call it charming might be a bit of a stretch. Oddly enticing, perhaps, even though it is one big joke that regurgitates a similar punchline like clockwork.