Stuck Together Review (PC)

”This must have been how that eight-legged bald kid felt in Toy Story,” I muttered, half expecting Sid to drop a fist through the ceiling to break my neck in a fit of teenage angst. “Where’s Buzz when I need him?”

Stuck Together never gave me a Buzz Lightyear, but it did, on the other hand, enlighten me about the sheer idiocy of a so-called companion who I thought was a go-getter and not, well, an imbecile who couldn’t tell their ankles from their elbows. Sadly, a bond wasn’t forged in the fires of a mutual understanding; it was trialed, dismantled, and then scattered like ashes in a toy box of plastic ligaments. Oh, Stuck Together didn’t teach me anything; it just made me realize that I wasn’t cut out for teamwork. Toy Story lied; Woody and Buzz stood for nought.

Stuck Together is the exact type of nonsense that you would find yourself enrolling in not just to wax your violent tendencies, but to test the moral fiber of your friendships. It’s the sort of game that, if you lacked the patience of a saint, you wouldn’t subject yourself to. I, not being aware of the short fuse that loomed at the end of my not-so-sturdy tether, didn’t discover that until the eleventh hour, when my “friend” asked if we could “take a break”’and a single vein bulging in my forehead finally emerged as a blistering headache. I hated that. But then, annoyingly, I came back to it five or ten minutes later. Go figure.

My Hips Are Tied

It goes like this: two people—good friends, ideally—embark on a quest to escape the clutches of a twisted child’s trap-filled bedroom. The caveat, however, is that said friends each have their hands tied, not emotionally, but physically. See, Stuck Together isn’t some fancy play on words; it’s a game that is literally about being stuck together. Think Unravel, but with shoddy figurines and bulky hands, and you should have a rough idea of what we’re getting at here.

Of course, Stuck Together sounds easy on paper. That said, the harsh reality is that, despite the game being lathered in seemingly harmless makeshift items and toy box essentials, it isn’t. Mechanically, it forces you to work in tandem with your companion and, through rigorous training and a boatload of patience, rag doll your way through a series of obstacles and other vile contraptions. A player uses one hand to swing, and another player uses a hand to grasp a foothold, and so on and so forth. And if you think that sounds a little too easy, well, it isn’t, and sadly, you are wrong.

A rage game at heart, Stuck Together happily watches on as you spend most of your time wreaking havoc on the world and burning bridges with former friends. It provides brief spouts of respite, true — but it doesn’t mean anything. Heck, it doesn’t even dangle a carrot on the end of a stick and make promises that you will find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. No, Stuck Together just watches on, and it laughs in a menacing tone as you gradually tear the hair from your scalp for an hour. That’s a rage game for you though, I guess.

The End of the Tether

Stuck Together, at least at its core, is a two-player co-op game in which you take to the reins of a slinky duo who just want to escape the evil world of a toy box that harbors one too many devilish contraptions. As one of the two unlikely heroes, you have the task of swinging, grabbing, and essentially ascending a total of six ridiculously unforgiving rooms, all of which possess their own share of obstacles, crossroads, and, when you least expect it, two fiery fists that thwart your progress and knock you back to the beginning. With that, you have a simple objective: climb to the top, and do all in your power to keep your friendship intact. A lot easier said than done, mind you.

The mechanics in Stuck Together aren’t the issue; it’s the fact that, just when you begin to make progress, the game finds a fresh way to sully your journey and jolt you back to the foot of the ladder. It’s awful, unfair, and frankly, an absolute headache to deal with. But again, that’s sort of the point, isn’t it?

Stuck Together has some good ideas to help counter its lack of hand-holding, including a hand-holding mode which features checkpoints (thank you) and a solid variety of level designs with troves upon troves of interactive set pieces. The game is still a pain in the backside, for sure, but hey — at least it looks good. Though, perhaps not as much from behind the veil of red mist. But that’s another story.

Verdict

I hate Stuck Together, but that isn’t to say that it’s a bad game. It isn’t my cup of tea, and frankly, I think the folks who created it owe me an apology. Maybe I owe them an apology. To be honest, I think someone should raise an intervention regardless, because Stuck Together has torn a lot of people apart since it came knocking on the lid of the toy box. It shouldn’t say sorry for being a bad game; it should make amends for the countless friendships that it has beaten to a pulp. I’ll just wait patiently for that to happen.

When all’s said and done, Stuck Together achieves its goal with flying colors. Sure enough, it frustrates its clientele, and it makes you want to rip the hairs from your scalp until there’s nothing left but baldness and bad memories. Now, if that sounds like your idea of a “fun” time, then you’ll probably enjoy banding together with a good fiend and slugging through this absolute pantomime of a rage game. If you lack the patience and basic skills, however, then you should take my advice and give this world a wide berth. You can thank me later.